I have come to the conclusion that since doing Pro it has shown me a new style, I don't mind rough and tumble but to be honest I like the give and take of pro , I met Princepaulbritpro yesterday 29th march 2017 and wow the day was amazing one I wont forget in a while, I know I am putting my neck on the line here and may put guys off that isn't the case but to be honest I love doing pro the falls the showmanship its a great feeling
Many thanks to Princepaul for the way forward
No one here, even those whom I speak to off and on, really knows who I am. Most of this is because (1) I am a closeted bisexual living in a primarily homophobic state and (2) I am not self confident enough to be open with anyone in general anymore. I'm going to be a little more open about me, my personality, and so on through this blog...so...try to be patient with me.
Throughout my younger life, I was always told the golden rule of "treat others how you want to be treated." I took an immediate liking to this. My younger self believed it was an actual rule followed by society. Sadly, I was disappointed when I found out otherwise. People treat others however they damn feel like and hardly care who gets hurt in the process. No one is perfect, but there is so little human decency in our society that I was dumbstruck at the simple site of it. The problem is, I didn't realize any of this till I was 14 years old.
I didn't grow up with friends or any of the sort. All I knew was go to school, do your homework, play your video games. Nothing else. Friends weren't in my vocabulary. And, as typical middle schoolers are, if you don't have friends or a girlfriend when you reach 12 years of age...you are gay, retarded, or both. Being the senesative kid then, I took all of this to heart and still remember every instance of attack, every scar hidden deep under the skin given to me by my peers. I became severly depressed, began questioning my existence, and even lost interest in the daily routine of things. I wanted to be alone most of my middle school life, but parts of me tried reaching out only to be slapped back into seclusion.
Now that I am 20 years old, I still feel the same. As I write this blog, I question whether anyone here will give a damn and that I'm thumbing these words from my tablet for nothing. And yet...I continue.
This past week was Spring Break for me. For most college students, it is time to hang with your friends, make memories, and so forth. However, I didn't have any friends to hang with. To get in contact with the people who say they are my friend almost costs an arm and a leg. In fact, the greeting I got from someone, who I've even come out to, on tuck's first day back to campus was a slight nudge in the back before walking to a different table in the café. What is that? Why not actually say hi or ask how I am?
I don't understand and it has only occurred to me today that this has been happening my whole life. I've been given empty promises of friendship then sat on the sidelines waiting ever so patiently for nothing.
Unfortunately, I have to say that I am stepping back into seclusion as much as possible. I often send messages to people here for chats that never get answered. Those will no longer be sent. In the case of individuals I speak to off and on, I hope we continue our conversations. And for anyone I haven't spoken to, don't ever be afraid not to message me. I may have an age limit of matches, but I will talk to any sane, kind individual on this planet. I don't care what you are, I care who you are.
If you have made it this far, thank you for enduring my rant and I hope you are doing well. Till next time, cheers. -Todd
WTF ..... the website rejected my videos, they are perfectly okay. piece of crap pisses me off, if you want to see those videos I can send them to you some other way.
Thanks for boosting my ego,Administration,by my moving some of my pics to private from my profile front page,you do a great job running this site.Cheers boys
Another great class at Spokane Boxing! Def felt more comfortable than yesterday, though still trying to relax when moving and throwing punches. I know that this is going to take time and practice, and I just need to keep telling myself that. Since my work schedule doesn't allow me to go every day, I plan on working on my skills each day at home.... you might call it "homework", but much more enjoyable!
Men say they are interested in meeting. The opportunity arises. Men don't communicate. The opportunity disappears. And this happens exclusively with men who are in shape, attractive, and have lots of past opponents who look like them. Men who have sworn up and down that appearance, size, et cetera don't matter have done this. Even men I have met previously have done this. It's not that anything went wrong when we met, only I am no longer a priority.
We live in a world divided into haves and have nots. I am generally seen as a have not as far as the people using this site are concerned. The guys who are haves on this site have proven themselves to be universally bigoted and discourteous. I do not approach them. They approach me and act friendly, but the emphasis is on act. They live in a bubble where their cheeriness is a reflection of knowing they do not have to struggle to find opponents or admirers.
I have said all of this before. It's raining. I am depressed. I am tired of rejection.
If everything goes well I will have my first wrestling meet next month. I'm curious and excited. Everybody would be... but I am a bit more. I am afraid of it.
Dealing with depression in my life... whatever. I take medicine, I know my downs and evil thoughts, my ups and cocky behaviour. But having schizoid behaviour is a much more deep impact in my life, or let's say, the life that I am supposed to live.
Besides of major problems with work and society standards, one thing always let me look damn jealous to other people: They could touch each other... just like that! They hug, kiss, squeeze, cuddle, grapple each other like there's nothing to it. Man, how do you...?
This probably sounds ridiculous to the most of you, especially on a site like this. I am extremely afraid of body contact. It is impossible for me to do it out of the blue. Every time I do it so many thoughts are rushing through my head: "Is it _now_ the right time? How long? How strong? Where is it appropriate?" When others touch me, I mostly cramp, slide away, full of fear of being too sweaty, maybe too smelly for the other person. How to react? It's a nightmare.
Anyway, what does that have to do with wrestling? I would see it like a shock treatment.
I tried a few times to do a very light Aikido. It was mostly relaxing and very, very simple moves. First I was motivated, bought a book, practiced Seiza and tried to combine breathe and movement. That was all fine. Until I had to get in contact with others. You know, like touching each other, feeling each other, using their power for your power... I failed damn hard.
There was no way for me to feel the other, how he moved, how I had to react. I got so confused by moving and thinking, keeping in mind, while I was doing movements, there was another human with me. In the end I left Aikido with a bigger fear of getting in touch with others than before...
The only time I had no problem touching was, when I got used as an example for certain moves. I guess then I wasn't responsible, just responding. Guided and "safe", even though it hurt, I just trusted the teacher.
As I write in my profile, this will be the only way for me to wrestle, get in contact, touch and get touched (and learn to be relaxed with that)... by just responding (to a dominant action of an opponent). Of course, I'm still afraid of doing things that could hurt others or being too soft, but that I will find out next month... phew
The worst and biggest fear is getting told "Sorry, you're impossible!". I would nod, accept and delete my profile. Shock treatment failed. (And NO, Cyberstuff is NOT an alternative :P )
Wish me luck...
Wow! What an awesome experience. I had a great time at my first class, and can't wait to continue this journey. I learned alot (and am quite surprised just how much I didn't know), and had some great support from the coaches, who both seemed pleased with how I did for my first day.
First thing I was shown was proper stance, and just shifting my weight back and forth.... it's funny how awkward I felt. Kind of like learning to walk for the first time. Worked on that for abut 5 rounds, and then learned how to throw a jab. Now, I "know" how to throw one, but not how to do it "properly", and it's a big difference, let me tell you.
Did a couple of rounds on the bag, just working on what I was shown before, and then some group stuff like squats, lunges, etc.
I'm feeling it in my sides and legs now, but it's a good hurt, and I'm proud to have it!
Offering cash for guys to wrestle me
Love wrestling outdoors on grassy asses
Yeah I have one bad recommendation but as the guy who left it has since blocked me u have no way to contact him
Come on guys cash waiting
Today I'm taking the next step.... I'm joining a local boxing gym. Not a 'fitness' gym, but an actual boxing gym. They do have men, women, kids, pros, amatuers, and 'white-collar', but it's all boxing. I am so excited to be finally doing this, and plan on posting about my progress!